Ask Dr. Ada

Dr. Ada Craige Roberson is a dedicated wife, mother and advocate for those in need. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker within the state of Louisiana and holds a doctoral degree in Counseling Psychology. Ada has a wealth of experience in working with disadvantaged individuals and has taken the term “Life Enhancement” into a whole new meaning within the social services industry. Her ability to truly understand human behavior has allowed her to transform the lives of many individuals, some of which were hopeless in the eyes of society. She loves a good piece of fine chocolate, a good challenge and stimulating activities. If you have an issue you would like to bring to Dr. Ada’s attention please click the email address below to contact her anonymously here:

Askdrada

askdrada@cognitionmagazine.com

(Please keep your questions at a 55 word max)

Overly Friendly,

When something happens in the life of people that we know and care about, it is not uncommon for us to become more conscious of how we relate to them and how they may be affected by our behavior toward them. It sounds to me like when you discovered the diagnosis of your co-worker, you decided that it was important for you to try to impact their life in a positive way in the mist of something that has the potential to bring about not only ill physical health, but also emotional pain. Thus, you made an effort to be more kind and friendly. Feeling a genuine concern for someone is not a bad thing. The fact that you now have knowledge about your co-worker that you didn’t have before can’t be undone, therefore, you can’t necessarily go “back to acting normal” because what’s normal in the relationship has been impacted by this new information. Without knowing the specifics that you are referring to when you say “overly friendly”, my advice to you would be to make conscious efforts to positively impact the lives of all of those around you so that the friendly is “normal” for you.

Loving Mother,

As a parent, I certainly understand the desire to try to protect your child from “learning the hard way”, but I find that experience is a very good teacher. In the end, it doesn't matter what you say nor do, your daughter will not likely decide to go back to school until she is motivated to go on her own. Sometimes the lessons learned through hardship are the most valuable lessons we learn. While I realize that you don’t want to see her struggle, in the end, you have made your choices and lived your life, and now it is time for your daughter to live hers. However, it is important that you don’t enable her. That means that, if you are providing any financial support for her at all, it should stop. This includes paying for her cell phone bill, giving her money to buy clothes or go to the hair salon, paying for bus fare, gas money, car insurance, etc. If she is grown enough to drop out of college, she is certainly grown enough to support herself. Now, I’m not suggesting that you kick her out of the house if she’s living with you, but you should definitely set a timeline for her to move out on her own and begin supporting herself so that she can begin living the life that she has chosen. In the meantime, focus on yourself. Pick up a new hobby, join a club, mentor a child…

Susie Q,

Since your mother has been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and Bi-Polar, it is important that you understand that you’re not only living with someone with a personality disorder, but also a co-occurring mood disorder. Personality disorders are typically treated with certain types of therapy (i.e. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and can be tough to treat, while mood disorders are typically medicated in conjunction with therapy. Without treatment, your mother’s behavior is unlikely to change. Living with someone with untreated severe and persistent mental illness can be very emotionally draining. If you are unable to assist her with seeking treatment, it may be a good idea for you to seek out a support group for adult children of parents living with mental illness. You may also want to consider moving out on your own as to create some healthy distance between you and your mom.